It’s still dark but as I lay in my bed I can hear the birds start to call. The mornings are getting lighter, the winter is slipping away. The frost on the ground is a heavy one but the sun is warm and I know the river will be welcoming. I’ve washed my goggles in shampoo which clears them of fog but today the water is cloudy, it’s full of suspended sand and debris, it’s not bad, it’s just different.
We see another group of swimmers start their swim further up the river, I decide that they’re friends that we haven’t met yet, we catch up and are pleased to meet them, they’re just starting their season of river swimming and ask to join us for our next swim. On the beach a little white crab scuttles between my feet, the swell is big, there are surfers everywhere. When we return to the boat ramp there are fishermen, paddle boarders, kayakers and a group of school kids on an excursion. It’s time to share the river, share the carpark and share the seat where we warm ourselves in the sun. We’re all reluctant to leave the water, we want it to last for just one more minute, I notice we all stop propelling ourselves forward and savour the last moments of our last swim of winter. I peel off my wetsuit in the water, it’s cool but not cold enough for me to feel much of a difference. I walk over to get changed and some emotion leaks out of my eyes but I’m smiling. I feel like I’ve made it, I’ve swum through winter. I’m sad that it’s over but I’m excited for tomorrow and whatever it may bring. It's a beautiful blue high tide and the visibility is incredible. A few months ago I would have described this water as cold. I no longer think it is. Today it's protection from the icy breeze and I retreat down into it. The tide must've come in gently because I can see the seagulls foot prints still in the sand deep below me, there are also countless patterns where the seaweed has dragged along the bottom of the river bed.
The inside of an oyster shell catches my eye, the... swirls of pinks and purples glisten back up at me. This swim is everything I need today, it gives me respite, it restores me. I hesitate when it's time to leave the water and walk over the spit. The wind on the beach has a cold chill and my fingers quickly begin to sting, the tips go numb and then slowly feel like their burning. It's a relief to get back into the water to swim back across the river. I dive right down, it's calm and peaceful and I wish I could stay. I open the back door and the icy wind infiltrates every layer of my clothing. I start driving but the car’s heater can’t get warm enough quick enough. A flock of geese slowly waddle towards me on the road, oblivious to the danger they’re in, I slow down and give way, they’re in no hurry.
As I arrive at the river a surfer holds his head together with his hands, there’s blood streaming down his face while his mate carries his board, they must have a plan because they are gone before I can offer help. It’s big surf on the other side of the sandbank today. I haven’t checked the tides today, I’m pleading in my head for it to be a high. I open my car door expecting the same chill of when I had closed it at the top of the mountain but it’s 10 degrees warmer at sea level and I breathe in the salty air. It is a high tide, the river is deep and blue, in the places where we’ve walked along in knee deep water, today our toes can’t touch the bottom.
We’re quickly swept towards the bridge and allow the water to do all of the work. I watch the trees go past while I just float along enjoying the company and the scenery. Someone suggests that we should start swimming, my face does not acclimatise easily to the water temperature, but I swim anyway, trying to ignore the sting across my nose and cheeks. On the beach I’m warmed by the sun and sand. The four of our tribe come across four oystercatcher birds with their long orange skinny beaks. They squawk at us invading their space. Neither group outnumbers the other and we respectfully leave each other be, equally enjoying the morning. I drive away, eyebrows encrusted with dry salt, ears with remnants of blue tac that I’ve used to keep out the cold and head to the pool for some solid kilometres because there’s no rules about how many times you should swim in one day or in which kind of water. I love my wetsuit but never more than today, I pre-warmed it on the passenger side seat warmer in my car. The water is twelve and a half degrees and the wind whipping the sand across the beach makes it sound like rain on my swimming cap. The moving sand looks like what I imagine I would see in a wind swept desert. I wear my goggles on the way to the start of our swim to keep the sand out of my eyes but there's no stopping it from getting in my mouth and crunching between my teeth.
In the water I'm rocked gently by the swell, I can feel the wind and the spray off the waves, my skin is cool but it's all exterior. I'm wearing two caps, my head is warm and it feels like my mind is all safe and cosy like it's sitting in front of the fire protected from the weather outside. In the water I'm sheltered from the blustery events that build up in every day life and I'm grateful for it This morning I can see tiny weeny rainbows reflecting the water on my eyelashes back into my eyes off my goggles.
I embrace the water temperature, put my head down and swim. I settle into my stroke and absorb myself in my surroundings, I’m so focused on enjoying the right now that I swim straight into my friend who’s on the lookout for fish. We see quite a few today as well as watch the fronds of loose seaweed roll along the bottom with the tide. Leaving the water the sand feels extra soft and comforting on my feet, I start to jog along the beach and as I glance at my well rounded shadow I try my very best not to be self-conscious of my silhouette. After all, although I’m not perfect, I’m exactly right just how I am. I keep switching from backstroke to freestyle not wanting to miss anything. I have to choose between looking at the birds and the whispy clouds in the sky or the shells and the fish in the water. I start thinking about how amazing it will be to walk along the beach in the sun today and I start looking forward to that. I can’t decide what to look at and in my indecision, I’m not appreciating the moment of the right here and right now and possibly missing everything.
I cradle my warm bowl of porridge in my hands, as I take a spoonful I can feel the warmth slide down into my stomach. It’s six degrees and windy outside and I ask myself “am I really going to swim today?”
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AuthorKirrilee Archives
September 2018
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